Just felt like saying something.....
BUT IT DOES NOT MEAN I AM SAD OK :)

I thought I've already forgotten about you left you behind in the past and moved on but today I realized that no, I have been feeling bitter and sorry for myself all these while. It's too late to rectify anything now whatsoever because it's pointless when you don't care anymore? Today when I heard your name it was so familiar it was a name i said everyday and the scenes started playing over and over. I remember then when we would just stand together at the railings overlooking the others..... And today when I saw this update in facebook about V doing something about _ I had this temptation to tell you so badly but I had to restrain myself.. I know it'll be something you'll laugh along with me and I am still upset that it everything had to turn out this way.. Ok end.

Bye I am going to bed good night everyone :)

You know just maybe there isn't an explanation all the time just maybe there's always this 'crisis' period that we'll all go through and the only difference lies in whether we'll come out of it stronger, or weaker. Maybe if we're bent on heading down the road less taken there will be a different outcome there will be miracles. But I'm not one who believes in luck fate and all that stuff, so probably.... I don't know. Hate how these three words have the ability to take over my speech whenever I'm faced with something out of the norm something that I'm unable to deal with. Maybe to me it has become more of a norm because I've been infused with it I've been growing up that way but maybe to you the rest of the world this is definitely something insulting rude and obscene something that I know will land me in trouble in the future.

Good night. (school on monday arghhhzxssssss aewogjog)

Yesterday I was so worn out I felt like I could sleep for an entire year.....
Oh no wonder it's 2010 now.

._.

But honestly yesterday's talk or rather I would say confession time was a good start to the year good to hear from everyone again like we had a serious talk much different from the usual gossips and nonsense but the truth honesty feelings which we've kept pent up for such a long period of time and I would say that we've all matured into fine young adults really it was so... awesome like you could just speak your mind freely talk about any kind of nonsense yet feel like you're still a part of everyone and there's understanding and acceptance. The two hours plus of talking left us so tiredddd like we were drained of our energy after the roller coaster of emotions which eventually left all of us sobbing a little (ok maybe not qi cause she went out to socialize halfway haha) and I apologize for not withholding my tears although I was trying very hard not to my tear ducts weren't responding last night i suppose. So anyway it left me thinking a lot a lot and what I've been through the entire year probably can't even be comparable to whatever that you've been subjected to your entire year and yet here I am complaining when I've about all the good in the world that I need for now, humans are never satisfied and there's still more to learn about being contented where I've been rambling on and on for ages and yet I think I've failed terribly here... And oh guys and girls are really different because I had a guys talk with them earlier on in the morning and the perceptions that we hold really differ by a huge margin but I would say that they are not entirely wrong for being prejudiced because most of the times whatever they've said is the truth and we just choose not to listen to it because it hurts. So now, I'll just hope that things will turn out well in 2010 and come what may, we'll solve the obstacles placed in our lives together, more determined than ever, more courageous than ever in the hope that at the end of the day, it'll all be worth the wait.

xoxo,

Hello new year, goodbye past.
Today's the last day of the year (and also hottie's birthday haha). This year has been weirdly different from other years probably because of the huge leap from secondary school. New friends, new environment, new commitments etc. I wouldn't say that I particularly had fun this year because in fact, I've not (not entirely la) and there have been many times when I felt my faith wavering and I just felt like... Giving up. But, whenever I think about the people around me and the hardships that they have endured which are, as compared to mine, more drastic I can't help but think that I've been blessed. To have been able to get into SAJC, it had more or less been a blissful journey although yes, it was different and more tedious initially.. If I had to make a choice again, I would probably choose another route deviant from others probably on my own follow my heart just so that I'll be more independent and to have my own test of endurance. (ok i'm not gna use punctuations again hahahaha sorry to those who actually read this).

This year too, I've experienced certain points of my life when I've been really low and I find myself asking repetitively why am I even trying so hard why am I even doing things which I do not enjoy. And I would say that up till now I don't have an answer/ answers but life moves on and we should just get on with it because I honestly feel that there comes a point when you're too weary to even want to think of all that's happening around. I guess for a long period this year, I switched off pretty much of myself from everyone watch the world go by and just get on with my own life. Being nonchalant of course, has its pros and cons but I guess when you gain something, you lose something as well. In this year, I've gained much - valuable life lessons which I would never ever want to trade with anyone. Although at this point in time it is impossible to remember everything but this year has been a significant trying period in which I've grown much. I wouldn't use the word "mature" because I have no definition for it and because there have been times when I've been childish unreasonable two-faced to the extent that I hate myself whenever I think about it (but tell me someone who isn't two-faced) and I thank those who've been there through it all with me and endured my nonsense. In this year, I've given much thought to my future although now I've a clearer picture of the direction I want to venture into I am afraid that it'll not work out. Afraid of the many obstacles I would probably face given this path.. But in this year too, the two most precious people in my life have given me the same piece of advice which has made much sense and which would probably be the driving force of what I'll eventually move on to.

Sadly too, I've lost and gained.. People. I've lost some of the closest people I've in my life which I would try (as difficult as it is) to change the circumstances and to retrieve what we used to have. But people change feelings change and although it is possible it will never be the same.. Not in the way I perceive it to be anyway. It's better to let go while you still can am I right? Although every now and then, I'll feel this tinge of unhappiness and sourness that I've never put in the same amount of effort as you, and I've lost you for good. On a brighter note, I've been closer to certain people this year and I've gained an entire Plus Clique which I am thankful for. I've learnt to understand more people and although I might not have the best advice to provide when you come to me with your problems, I'll gladly listen and hand out small advices here and then just so you'll know that I'm listening and I'll be there. I'm thankful for this bunch of anderson people most of whom I'm able to talk freely to and there's not much secrets to keep from one another because it'll spread anyway because everyone's too close to one another. Thankful that we have the most sensitive bunch of guys who don't go around insulting laughing at girls (although bastard but in a good way) who will be serious or stressed when we talk seriously to them. Although we tend to slack around/ not do anything efficiently, I've realized that the familiarity of each other feels so much like a huge family that it's comforting at the end of the day, to realize that you've people who you can count on.

If it hadn't been for this year, I wouldn't have been able to make up with Zhi much less get together with him. When opportunities come knocking, take it. Because of him, there has been something happy to look forward to in this year someone who's been there for me someone whom I'm willing to work hard for someone who's not only a caring and understanding boyf but also a friend who advises who's straightforward who's a motivator and who wants me to achieve more for myself. I remember there was once when I cried really really badly in front of him and he just sat beside me then entire time and kept quiet letting me cry my heart out.. Although at times he'd be rather annoying + damn mcp(at times!!) and we'll have nothing to talk about cause our schedules are quite different and he might not be the best boyf/ person, I'm thankful for his presence in my life.
And also to the girls!! Probably it'll be more difficult to meet up in the future and we'll spend lesser time together but you girls are really the best friends in my life. We might not talk about our problems (although I have no idea why we keep things from one another..) most of the time but I feel most comfortable around you guys. I'm sorry that I'm not able to spend as much time as I'd like with everyone but please know that you guys make up quite a large portion of the happy times in year 2009. Remember our trip that we've been pushing and the many events that we'll always plan and not occur in the end, someday, eventually? And heng wen ni, I'll think of you sometimes when I look at the sky (LOL) hope you'll do well and have more confidence in yourself for you know you are damn capable of achieving the goals that you set for yourself!!

In the year 2010, I have to be more independent esp when my brother is not around.. And I hope it'll be a good yearrrr/ fly past can't wait for A's to be over argh.

Gonna spend the day over at Ting's so, till then and happy new year! ;)